In the first part of this series we talked how we treat the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Because of the Spirit we are be assured of an already present kingdom and the promise of wholeness. In the second part we talked about how we can release that hope, joy, peace, and love within us. In Galatians 5 we read about the fruit of the Spirit and that ‘those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.’ In conclusion of this short series I would like to share with you the moment that I went on the cross with Jesus.

I grew up in a pastor’s family but I only gave my life to Jesus when I was 20 years old. The very same moment of my conversion I also felt the deep desire to help people discover a similar authentic relationship with God. To do so I concluded that I needed to prepare for fulltime ministry. After four years of studying theology I was ready to go into ministry, or at least that was what I thought at that time. After that my wife and I (just married) moved into our first and own apartment in Rotterdam. I was absolutely ready to get busy. I wad excited and I just felt that now I can finally put my calling into practice. During my last year of college I started to make contact with a church in Holland and everything seemed to go very well. I proposed a position and myself to fill it. Everything seemed to go well. But some emails later and five months after moving to Holland the message was that there is not enough financial capacity to create the proposed position.

This was a really frustrating time for me and I felt mistreated by my calling. I was telling my wife that I had enough of Holland. I decided that I would get started with any job and wait until my wife finished her Masters so that we could go back to Germany to get started with ministry. In the meantime a conversation with the district superintendent took place and I put my hopes up – and maybe too much. Fact was that he told me as well that there is little available in the district. That conversation only confirmed my decision to go back. Frustrated and disappointed I started working as a salesperson for a company that sold promotional gifts – sitting out my time.

Somewhere in the process I also got angry with God and blamed Him a little to let me walk right in that mess. I realized that I didn’t want to get angry and I asked God for forgiveness. Interesting enough it was as if God was saying back: ‘Did you ever wonder what I had planned?’ And than it hit me – I didn’t get the job I had created, I didn’t get into ministry as I thought I would, I didn’t hear what I wanted to see, I had become angry at God because my plan didn’t work out. That didn’t seem to be fair. This led me to the moment that I gave it all to God and sacrificed it at the cross with Jesus – again and completely. Since many months I didn’t feel that calm and peaceful as I did that moment. Because I knew again that He will take care of it – His will will take care of it.

In the same week I received news from a church in Holland that they would like me to be their new youth pastor. I only started with a day a week but eventually the position grew. A year later the district asked me to be the new part-time district youth pastor. In the end it worked out ok but not at all how I planned it. And when I look back at the past three years I must say that it couldn’t have gone better. It seems to be just another one of those surrender stories but it certainly confirms the principle behind all of them. Am I paranoid for Jesus? No! But I am passionate for Jesus because I learned to conform my will to His. That’s always better than what I could come with.

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