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Explanation Demanding Lives
Written by Dennis Mohn
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Recently I talked to a friend of mine who unfortunately goes through a divorce right now. And in Christian circles divorce is always a hot item. We all tend to hold on to very strict convictions but when the subject gets very close to you through family or friends we seem to be puzzled because apparently our convictions don’t seem to apply to family and friends.
This blog is not about my care for my friend and not about the issue of divorce. But this blog is about how we as a church treat divorce. Fact is that, with a divorce rate of almost 50% in the US and Western Europe, every second couple divorces. If we are a church that turns backs on divorced we do two things: First, we exclude half of our communities of ever becoming part of our church. Once you had a divorce experience in your church you will become known in your community for how your church handled this experience. You set the tone for every couple that thinks about joining you church. What kind of tone does your church have? Secondly, we fail to expand the message of holiness to a widely present reality. Divorce is difficult for everyone – including the church the couple attends. As church we need to be puzzled because they are part of the family. We shouldn’t only apply a set of rules and convictions but we need to be puzzled because it came close. Is your church a family that would be puzzled or turns backs? I wonder whether we are afraid, if we welcome the divorced, that we compromise our Christian values. We are afraid that it will all turn loose and there will be no more moral awareness. We fear that divorce will be accepted in the church community as it is in the world. The question is: How do we keep our values on divorce being against God's design and still show love to the ones who did choose to go down this road? How do we love them without morally degrading our church community? I believe that is what we struggle with the most. We do want to show them love but by accepting them don't we also accept the choices they made? How do we love and still expect for God to work through us and change something in the hearts of people? We need to live lives that demand an explanation. People often expect us to turn our backs on them when they divorce because that is what they see in many churches happening. Imagine we would just welcome them like the weak, the sick, the addicted, the hurt, and the lost. They would wonder what all of this is about. Eventually you turned their request for help into a big question mark asking where this love does come from. There is no better entry into applying, explaining and living a message of holiness!
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My friend told me how his church welcomes and embraces the weak, the sick, the addicted, the hurt and the lost. It was a place where they felt home from the very first moment. Unfortunately divorce became a reality in their lives and suddenly the church turned their backs on them. He got very emotional telling me all of that and finishing with one sentence: ‘I just don’t understand…’
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